Progress City, U.S.A.

I feel that I am perhaps the last individual in the Disney blogosphere to post any sort of public comment about the recent controversy surrounding the rumored changes to Disneyland’s version of it’s a small world. This is due to a number of reasons, but mostly, as a grizzled veteran of Eisner’s last decade at the helm of the Walt Disney company, I have attained a degree of scandal fatigue. Quite simply, I have seen so many desecrations and obscenities foisted upon the art of themed entertainment and design that I have become inured to such grand disappointments.

I fought in the Toad Wars of 1998, had the first website devoted to saving Horizons and wrote a letter so incensed by Journey Into YOUR Imagination that I got a call at home from the then Vice President of EPCOT Center. I watched Disney built a park with amazing theming but little to do (Animal Kingdom), minimal theming and nothing to do (California Adventure) and no theming and nothing to do (Disney Studios Paris). I consider Hong Kong Disneyland something of a gated botanical gardens. After wands and hats and Pop Century, I had no store of indignation left.

Young revolutionaries on the barricades - the last Toad-In, September 7, 1998.
I seem distracted.

But just as things looked bleakest, there was a ray of hope. Paul Pressler left to destroy another company. Michael Eisner left to hang out with Bette Midler and trade baseball cards. John Lasseter and the Pixar squad rode in on their white horses to give the triage badly needed by a dying WDI and dead Feature Animation department. Even Bob Iger, Eisner’s hand-picked successor, proved me wrong and wound up not being a proxy for the departed CEO but a fairly bold new leader who embraced a far more progressive view of new technologies than his predecessor. Surely, everyone would live happily ever after.

Still, all was not well. The management purges and noxious politics of the last decade had left Imagineering paranoid and factionalized, split between the embattled creatives who had managed to survive in the hope of better days ahead and those who, bolstered by political maneuvering and their ability to “play the game” successfully had risen through the ranks. Not since the Augean stables had an organization so desperately needed a flushing out of the dross and a complete rebuilding.

While change came, however, it came slowly. Sub-par attractions still filtered out into the parks, and more alarmingly, newly announced attractions started to have a noticeably Pixar-centric tilt. The “toonification” of the parks amped up in earnest, and areas that once whisked guests away to adventure in fantastic but real-world settings became new venues for promoting the Franchise of the Month. It seemed that at our moment of greatest triumph, the folks from marketing had won after all. The parks were going to become ads for character merchandise, and the days of the great non-”property” rides like Pirates or Mansion might never return.

Oh noes.

There remained reasons for optimism, though, and obviously a great deal of wonderful, devoted and creative staff continue to try their best to keep the company living up to Walt’s ideals. I’ve tended to cut them slack even in times of irritation, and even though I might disagree with their choices I’m usually eager to see where they’re going in the hopes that the ship will eventually get turned around completely. So, for a while, my crusading came to an end.

Recently, though, rumors emerged of something so strangely unnecessary, blinkered and contrary to both good taste and Disney legacy that I felt that old activist drumbeat once more. Something had been planned so purely based in concepts of “marketing” and “brand awareness” and intended to move merchandise that it can’t help but to raise the hackles of fans. Something that strikes right at the nexus of several “sacrosanct” movements in Disney park history, and something that was neither asked for or needed.

So why not? Once more into the breach, dear friends. Start your petitions and phone calls, emails and letters. Grab the pitchforks and light up those torches, because they’re going to screw around with it’s a small world.

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I’m working on a few things, but in the meantime I wanted to share this nifty video I’ve just seen. It does a nice job of summarizing the highlights of the upcoming billion-dollar DCA makeover.

There has been an explosion lately of rumors concerning a future fifth gate for the Florida property. Things came to a head this morning when Jim Hill posted a story with the exclusive “scoop” on the long-rumored new Walt Disney World park. Far be it for a humble Tiki god to declare shenanigans on a fellow Disney blogger, but from looking at the web searches that visitors have used to find this page over the last several months it’s obvious that there’s a great interest in rumors about a fifth gate, and I can’t help but to weigh in with my opinion on this story.

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Not so long ago I posted the rumor that the theater at Hollywood Studios formerly occupied by SuperStar Television would become home to a new attraction based on the television show American Idol. Oh how I hoped it was just a rumor…

Note the roiling flames of perdition in the background
as they approach to consume the park

By the end of the year an “American Idol” attraction will open at Hollywood Studios in the theater formerly occupied by SuperStar Television. Blerg. Read the press release; I elect not to cite it here until mine gag reflex hath abated ever so.

Oh Jay Rasulo, why do you hate my soul so?

Get ready to rock kids - HIP AND EDGY is back with a vengeance. Kudos to Screamscape, though, who were the first in the scope of my knowledge to publish this rumor last year. That’s good scoopin’, boys.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I had been working on a Carousel of Progress story for the last couple of days but my eye has a date with a screwdriver to enact an homage to Un Chien Andalou.

From around the web come rumors and portents of upcoming attractions for Walt Disney World in Florida. We remind you that these are only rumors; nothing is certain until opening day. Think about that the next time you’re visiting the Equatorial Africa pavilion at EPCOT…

Magic Kingdom

The big rumor lately is the rumbling about a potential E-ticket for WDW’s 40th anniversary in 2011. No one knows yet what this is (quixotic fans palpatate about Fire Mountain and Bald Mountain), or where it might fit in the park.

More specific, though, are rumors about a Little Mermaid ride coming to the park. No one knows if this is the E-ticket in question, but both Blue Sky Disney and Jim Hill Media report that WDI is eager to revisit this film for a major dark ride in Fantasyland

Disney obsessives might recall that a Mermaid dark ride was originally designed by Tony Baxter’s team for a second wave of Disneyland Paris attractions in the early 1990’s. Following that park’s desperate and hungry early years, those plans (along with a Beauty and the Beast show) were shelved. The attraction was also promised for Disneyland and Walt Disney World for 1993 as part of the “Disney Decade” (thanks Eisner). The ride most recently resurfaced on Mermaid’s DVD release as a CGI ride-through recreation with commentary by Baxter.

More recently, the Mermaid ride was announced as part of Disney California Adventure’s billion-dollar revival. If it’s brought to Florida, odds are that it will in some way differ from the California version. New management at WDI isn’t quite as keen to do the cookie-cutter clone thing like the previous regime, and so we probably won’t see this attraction in Florida for 5-6 more years.

Jim Hill also repeats the recent rumors concerning a new merchandise location at the exit of the Haunted Mansion. According to him, the exit for the attraction will be routed through the current Yankee Trader shop. This location will be tripled in size to allow for the new traffic, but this will most likely not occur for 4-5 more years as the recent $30 Million rehab budget was needed entirely for updating the attraction itself.

In Adventureland, Screamscape has been reporting on a series of rumors concerning a pirate-themed restaurant called “Tortuga” to be built in the former location of the Adventureland Veranda (closed since 1994! Thirteen years!). The most recent buzz has the retheming put on hold as the park’s funds have been diverted to updating the kitchens of a number of the park’s existing restaurants. I’m just amazed that this prime location can sit completely empty for more than a decade. Where have you gone, Kikkoman?

Screamscape also has heard rumors that the TTA will go down for rehab along with Space Mountain next year, and will have some minor updates.

EPCOT Center

Things are quiet at EPCOT now, although rumors are floating around about 2011. The current gossip is that each of the four parks will receive an E-Ticket for WDW’s 40th anniversary, although we don’t know what EPCOT would get. Suggestions have included the enlarged Canadian Rockies that WDI allegedly wants to build with a raft ride in World Showcase; this addition to the Canadian showcase would serve to block the large Soarin’ barn from intruding into Showcase sightlines. Obviously WDI is going to have to come up with something to fill the now-empty Wonders of Life pavilion, and rumors have circulated since John Lasseter came to Imagineering that a complete re-do of the Imagination pavilion was in the cards. But these are all the stuff of complete rumor, and nothing is remotely solid on this yet.

The only thing we do know is that Spaceship Earth’s re-opening has been pushed back until February 18th. Details on the scope of the ride’s overhaul remain sketchy.

Disney-MGM Studios

Yeah Disney, I ain’t calling it “Disney’s Hollywood Studios” until you make me.

Having not received any updates of note in recent years, D-MGM is coming due for an overhaul. As I wrote about previously, and reported by the Orlando Sentinel the park is being renamed “Disney’s Hollywood Studios” in January and WDI is allegedly working on a slate of improvements to the park to unify its theme and ‘plus’ the park a la their announced rebuilding of California Adventure. While no details of these rumored improvements have surfaced, the park’s new wave of attraction begins when Toy Story Mania! opens next year (along with other much less interesting things). Blue Sky Disney reports that if these changes do go through, 2008 will be a transition year for the park while 2009 will be a “kicker” with improvements to both decor and attractions.

From the land of less exciting things, Screamscape has been reporting on plans to fill the empty ABC Theater (formerly SuperStar Television) with a new interactive show based on American Idol. As building permits have been filed showing that work is in fact being done on the facility itself, Screamscape and LaughingPlace have reported that Disney is in talks to actually license the American Idol name for the show. We’ll have news on this eventually, I’m sure, which will be heralded by the audible gnashing of my teeth.

Animal Kingdom

Much like EPCOT, Animal Kingdom is coming off of a building spree (Everest, Nemo) and it’s “Phase II” is now complete. While there’s obviously a lot to do to make this a legitimate and complete theme park, it looks like Disney is going to try and capitalize on the newfound popularity of the park due to Expedition Everest and parlay that into longer operating hours. DAK has traditionally operated very short days, usually closing at or before nightfall. Every hour that the park stays open later means lots of cash for Disney, so now that they actually have rides (well, a few) and a restaurant (Yak and Yeti - now open!) at DAK they’re going to try and keep it open later.

Jim Hill Media has reported that an after-dark parade called “Rivers of Light” is in development. Contrary to its aquatic name, the parade is a traditional land-based affair with character-laden boat floats (not flote boats) circling around the Tree of Life and Discovery Island (not *that* Discovery Island).

As to any real new attractions for the park, if the cycle of attendance and later hours and filthy lucre continue, then we might see Phase III coming down the pike sometime soon - maybe they’ll realize if they finally build “Beastly Kingdom” then we’ll shut up and leave them alone…